Self-love “means you need to love yourself”.. Cliche? Touché!
Self-love, as simple and short as the word is, the display and portrayal of the love of Self seem challenging for most of us.
In any relationship, contrasting and comparing your Self-love with others isn’t the most supportive approach if you want to improve your love of Self. If anything, it triggers and activates performance as if you can measure love. Your perception of love isn’t the basis for love being present or not. Your perception of love is the limitation in you experiencing of love.
I was engaging in a post on social media that inspired me to write this blog as a response from within me. It saddens me to hear people wanting to improve their love of Self. Yet we go outside of Self to seek a solution.
“If you want to fix your home, running away wouldn’t help. It just delays.”
In any relationship, tho you may need to vent to a friend, that is not the solution to improve your relationship. Even if it seems impossible to communicate with your significant other, partner, lover, friend, or anyone you are in a relationship with, communication is the bridge to the connect. And the language comes in many forms. It doesn’t have to be the articulation of a word nor words, but presence. I am here!
So in this analogy, to improve love of Self can begin with communicating with yourself. Even the silence before we speak can be supportive here. Just sit with yourself and be. No task, No to do, No steps 1-5, No performance. Just be with you. A hug calms the nervous system. It communicate safety and belonging. Can you hug you?
Although the intention is a genuine cry for help, what works for one may not necessarily support you. Instead, the farther you go outside of Self to seek a solution, the longer you may delay receiving and experiencing pure love.
As you begin the journey back home, as you come home to Self when you open the door to your home, what is the first thing you see?
Start loving that or if love is a challenging word at the beginning, start compassionately witnessing and be in company with that.
So the focus is always you!!!
You may see a Woman/Man feeling lonely, still hurting, and unseen.
Can you sit with her/him and be?
What was your first memory of feeling loved by someone?
Is that something you can provide to yourself in meditation with your eyes closed or facing a mirror looking at yourself?
It can be challening to love someone significantly which you do not have a relationship with.
Would this be a good start? Do you need to first define the connection you have with yourself to build the relationship from? Then love can blossom from there without effort.
If doing this alone feels overwhelming or hard to focus, working with a therapist that you connect and resonate with is helpful in assisting with “seeing you.”
Friends are familiar and can feel comforting at first, but friends do have a tendency to give unsolicited advise in the end. Depending on the Emotional Intelligence of your friend/s. Let’s be real. Friends sometimes want to fix you. What you need is someone to “see you” that you are not broken. To hold a space of compassion for you so that you can unfold to the authentically and feel organic Self-love.
If you feel ready to go on a deepening of Self-love journey, I do recommend to take yourself on my 22 DAYS INTIMACY ENGAGEMENT WITH SELF.
Until then, Be Kind to Yourself!