4 mins audio listen on Medium @FLO Mystic
I cannot believe, but I do.
It’s been a year since I’ve been seeing my therapist. She specialize in HSP patient (Highly Sensitive Person from Dr. Elaine Aron’s research).
I found my therapist in a desperate place, you can say in crisis. Actually through Dr. Elaine’s website for High Sensitive People. It was during the time and season when I was the most triggered, anxious, depressed, frustrated, feeling unseen, misunderstood, not heard, nor held space for to just be me.
“One Person impacted the depth of my Soul.”
What id like to say to her, “A Soul Homecoming”. This photo was taken as I sit in the waiting and meditation room for my session. I see my connection with her through these words.
Single at the stamp of this blog, I used to wonder, when will I come home to the love of my life?
When I met my therapist, I would feel something surreal when we are in each other’s presence. Not feeling I need to perform, nor do I want to. We did agreed in the beginning and in my first session, “When I am here, I want to feel seen and held space for to express myself fully.”
I’m still in awe, amazed, full, often with no words to fully articulate all the emotions and sensations that I feel. I feel home. My Soul Homecoming.
The human experiences and processing can be tough. Human connection is a need. However, sometimes connecting is truly the challenge. I do believe that connection is never absent, but always presently available for us to engage with. When we lock eyes, hold hands, embrace, smile at each other we immediately establish a connection.
The depth of the connection determines the satisfaction in the connecting. That is what I seek and crave. RESONANCE, the depth of the connection is a must.
My therapist, she is quite perfect, and perfectly quiet. She doesn’t say much and when she does, she ask if she may. The space between us would be filled with palpable genuine honor and love. You can feel the thickness of her wisdom, with so much intention, lots of pauses, yielding to silence, potent present presence, yet she move so gentle. Never to push, never to force, never to fix, never to hold nor pass judgement. She genuinely feel curious, lol sometimes it makes me sick how unfamiliar I feel around that. Yet I cannot get enough of it. Feels foreign, but the certainty of its authenticity cannot be denied.
I am triggered when another person feels or think they have to fix me. That they know so much more about me and my life to this point. All these years, one of the reason I have not seen a therapist until a year ago is that, I do not think nor feel I need fixing. I don’t perceive myself broken.
Empathy is a must, compassion, gentleness, kindness, the ability to emotionally respond, energetic embrace in tender moments and sigh, the capacity to hold space as I process, move with emotions, and release tears.
I felt so safe with her. I told her once, I feel the vulnerable child that I am when I am with her, also experiencing the most evolve version of the woman that I am and becoming.
Therapy isn’t a need. Not for me at least. It’s a MUST. To share space with her, to be seen, heard, held, and affirmed… it’s certainly a must.
I do not know how much healing would’ve taken place in me for me if I hadn’t met her. I also have shared with my therapist that I know my life would not have been short either. But I also cannot deny how full my life has been having met her at this stage, at the age of 40. I feel the most strong and confident I have ever felt in my life. Yet, I feel the most vulnerable as well. So much is changing, everything is changing, and I do feel insecure with the changes that can sometimes feel unstable. I feel both extremes. It’s an overwhelming feeling. My body, hormones, and chemical reactions within me is unbearable at times. Yet, so divine to experience myself here with this much awareness and consciousness.
This is a lot. And to have her, to walk this path with me, not just knowing, but feeling truly and genuinely supported by her… it is priceless!
Our sacred time in space is an hour. My Soul feels I can just sit there with her. Nothing needed to be said. I can feel her energy presently holding space for me, I can feel myself being received by love.
Until next Homecoming. It’s not a need, it’s a Must!
Thank you for seeing me, I see you.