Lots to check off and mark on the book. I am thankful for doing the things I wanted to do for myself today. Some felt too much effort. Striving instead of motivated to do them. Subconsciously, like I have to perform to be able to say…
I imagined this day to be different than what I am witnessing of myself.
I do have people in my life, but I do feel lonely today.
I want a hug, I desired to be kissed, to be pursued, and embrace, to be seen, held, known. I want to make love with the one who has captured my heart.
Sitting at the restaurant waiting for my meal, I am aware, I feel unsatisfied.
On one hand thankful for many things in my life.
On the other hand, I also feel I haven’t experienced much of what I desired.
now at 40 years…
Far from ungrateful, but present to how I am unfolding.
I ate half my meal, I was hungry. Yet still, after my meal… unsatisfied.
Got my Starbucks free bday treat, didn’t even finish my grande drink…
THIS IS 40.. this is where I am today..
within myself, in all my experiences, being with my emotion, and feelings.
Now laying in bed. I feel exhausted.
My legs, my feet, my arms, my hand, my neck, my heart… they hurt.
All in all, THIS IS 40.
I am Present to ALL that is here.