27 OF 30 DAYS (3 min audio read on Medium @FLO Mystic)
“Don’t be angry.” I’ve heard this many times throughout my life and it makes me even more angry every time I hear it when anger is starting to bubble up in me.
I was told by my parents, siblings, my relatives, friends, strangers with their unsolicited advices, peers, colleagues, leaders, elders who supposed to be wiser by age, the lady at the checkout counter, probably you now, “Don’t be angry.” There is so much to be happy and grateful about.
Is it a feeling, an emotion, a state of being?
I have been an angry kid and young adult. In my anger I have been suicidal as the pain felt it was swallowing me from within. I could die in the pain without knowing. I might as well cause my own death. I was so angry everyday throughout the day I would be in range. I was tired and exhausted. I feel into all sorts of addiction to numb and escape.
I experience anger as an emotional wave. I would be triggered by something and realized its a memory of childhood trauma I was angry about. Witnessing PTSD as it is reoccurring in the present as a reality. With Self-compassion experience healing in the now.
I feel bouts of anger throughout the day and weeks. I used to feel so ashamed when I get angry. Realizing that it was my upbringing that instilled in me it is not okay to feel angry. It is not okay to experience a wave of emotional anger. It is not okay to be angry for a long time.
But I do feel angry.
I get angry. Some situation, predicament, outcome, thoughts, conversation, the lack of, silence, distance, grief, even people, yes I do feel angry with some and certain people for any reason. Even no reason.
It’s freeing and liberating that I can feel anger. Not right now I’m not angry. It is fascinating to experience all range of emotions. It’s a tender place when I witness and observe myself angry for hours and days of the week.
I am simply present to how I am unfolding.
Is anger an expression of wanting to be seen?
Is anger me communicating my needs?
Is anger the pain I’m wanting to be rid of?
I’m not afraid to be angry nor am I ashamed anymore. Passion and a passionate person that society so love to display is on the same spectrum as Anger. My desire is not to justify anger or the inexcusable behavior that forms because an individual felt anger, was angry, is angry.
I’m not asking to excuse me for some of the ways I’ve acted and behaved to express my anger and to simply be held and seen.
This is an attempt to invite us to hold space for anger within ourselves. To simply witness the feeling and emotion. Allowing oneself to embody the anger without assigning a negative judgement to it.
It’s okay to feel angry, to have an emotion of anger, and to be angry.
You don’t always need a reason why. It is okay!